Relationship is natural to all of us. We are social beings, and each of us are drawn to companionship in some form or another. For most of us there is a yearning for connection, often romantic in nature. We seek someone to love and to love us in return. We find pleasure in sharing our time and energy with one another, in sharing affection, intimacy or simply in sharing space. We don’t like to be alone, and often seek desperately to avoid it.
There are many reasons why we seek relationships. We don’t want to be alone. We want to feel wanted. We want to feel loved. We want to experience sensual pleasure, and so on. These seem to be the primary reasons we seek out a partner, but there’s actually a much deeper reason that so many of us fail to recognize.
Our relationships often remain shallow, existing only on the surface. We don’t go deep into the heart of it. And for this reason, many relationships end in disappointment.
What most of us want more than anything is to connect deeply with one another, to go beyond mere physical pleasures and mental stimulation, to connect at the level of the heart and soul. We want to lose ourselves in the other, to merge together, to dissolve all sense of separateness.
To love is to see oneself in the other, and to see the other in oneself. It’s to go beyond the distinction of self and other, and to recognize that oneness which connects us at the level of spirit.
What we’re seeking is not merely companionship with one special person, but connection to all living beings, to the whole of creation, and to the very ground of all being. Our yearning for love is driven by the love that lies dormant deep within us. We search for it in others, but the truth is that it’s been with us the whole time. It’s the love deep within us that drives us to seek out connection. What we seek is not merely to be loved, but to express the love we already contain. And we discover it, not so much by receiving it from others, but by allowing it to flow from within us, by extending it outward, by sharing it freely, without condition.
Everything we’re searching for is already contained within us; all the love, joy, fulfillment, completeness. We’ve simply lost touch with it and forgotten. The purpose of relationship is not that we might acquire love from others, but that others might awaken that love within us, offering us the opportunity to express it. And when we discover this within ourselves, we’re more able to relate to others, to cultivate greater compassion and acceptance for one another. And the more we share that love, the more deeply we connect.
We discover that, deep down, we’re already connected. It is love that connects us. Not that we were ever disconnected, but rather our connection had been obscured, covered over and forgotten. By removing everything that is not authentic, by removing all of the illusions, the selfishness, the fear and insecurity, all the illusions of separation, we’re able to clear that connection and allow it to be experienced uninhibited.
The true reason we seek relationships is not to fulfill some emptiness within us, because we were never empty. What causes us to feel empty is the sense of separation. Love is simply the recognition of our connectedness. But we’ve gotten so caught up in our ego-identities that we’ve forgotten who we are. Relationships serve to remind us, to help us uncover the essence of who we truly are, at the very core of our being. But only when we’re able to see beyond our individual identities and recognize our deep intrinsic connection to one another.
The word relate means to connect. Relationship is the connection between one another, but not merely an external and superficial connection, but the recognition of an eternal spiritual connection that has always been and always will be.
When we seek relationship, what we seek is to discover that connection. What we seek is to discover our relationship with all of life and with the very source of life itself. We seek to discover ourselves within one another, to know who we are at the very core of our being, that love is our essential nature, that love is who we are.