So Valentine’s day is coming up, or maybe you’re reading this on Valentine’s day, and if you are, I’m gonna assume it’s because you’re single and alone. I know that a lot of single people feel lonely and depressed on Valentine’s Day, but it really doesn’t have to be that way.
Now, I’ve spent a lot of Valentine’s Days alone. And this Valentine’s Day, I’m also all on my own. And you know what, that really doesn’t bother me at all. So I’d like to share with you why that doesn’t bother me, and also offer some suggestions on what you can do to make this day a little better.
So I’m gonna start off with a little rant, but please bare with me. You might actually learn something interesting.
The fact is that like many other holidays, Valentine’s Day has become a commercial holiday. And what that means that it’s all about businesses taking advantage of this day to guilt trip you into spending tons of money to prove your love to someone. And there’s really nothing more superficial than this.
So Valentine’s Day has really been sold to us through advertising. And people buy into it. And if you’re in a relationship it’s often expected of you to do something really romantic for your partner on this particular day, and that generally means doing or buying something really expensive. And if you don’t participate in that, you can easily be accused of not really loving that person, as if love can be measured by how much money you spend
So it’s as if there’s every day of the year to show someone how much you really love and appreciate them, but if you don’t do something special on this one particular day, all those other things are canceled out. Or, maybe you don’t love your partner so much and you treat them like shit the entire year, but you get this one day to make up for it, which suddenly cancels out all the neglect or abuse. So, when you think about it like this, it’s all really ridiculous.
So for me, I just have no interest in participating in that kind of nonsense. To me, it’s really just another day. And it doesn’t matter how many other people participate in it. It doesn’t validate it. The only reason it’s as popular as it is, is because advertisers have been shoving it down our throats. And when we swallow it, it just shows how easily manipulated we are. So don’t be manipulated by advertising, or by all the people who have been manipulated by the advertising. It’s all a big scheme to sell you shit you that you don’t need.
And yeah, I know you’re single, and you can’t directly participate in it, but by being upset that you can’t, means that in some sense you are participating in it. That’s is, you’re participating in the belief that this day has any more significance than any other day. You’re allowing yourself to be manipulated into believing that it means something, and that whatever it means, you’re missing out on it.
But you’re not really missing out on anything.
Let me tell you what you might be missing out on. You’re might be missing out on having to feel all this pressure to prove your love to someone. You might be missing out on having to dish out a bunch of money on things no one really needs and maybe you can’t really afford. You might be missing out on having to hunt through hundreds of cards, trying to pick out just the right one and then having to stand in line for an hour waiting to check out. And you might be missing out on getting into a fight with your partner because maybe the thing you got them or the thing you did just didn’t measure up to their expectations .
And he’s an interesting fact – A lot of people actually breakup on Valentine’s Day or during the weeks following. And statistics show that this time of year is one of the times when the most breakups occur. And this has a lot to do with unfulfilled expectations. So, by the time Valentine’s Day is all over and done with, there’s gonna be a lot more single people out there besides you and me.
But here’s the reality. It’s not Valentine’s Day unless you believe it’s Valentine’s Day. As far as I’m concerned, it’s just another day. But I understand that this might be a lot to digest right way, and so maybe you still feel like your missing out on something. And maybe you still feel lonely and sad.
So, overcoming this feeling of loneliness, and learning to be at peace with being alone is something that we should really be working on within ourselves. But I’m not going to discuss in any detail how to do this. I’ve talked about this in other articles/videos, which I recommend you check out. And since you probably don’t have any plans on Valentine’s Day, why not do that then?
But what I would like to offer in this video are some suggestions that may help you to begin that process, or at the very least, offer some temporary relief in the meantime. So let’s get started.
1.) Don’t Believe the Social Distortions
First of all, be aware that people will be posting photos and status updates all over social media of themselves with their significant others, and just like any other day on Facebook or Instagram, you’re going to be presented with a filtered view of reality. You’re going to see the very best of their lives. You’re not going to see all the shit they go through, all the arguments and fighting and so on. And you might even see pictures of what appear to be happy couples who might actually be on the verge of breaking up.
What a lot of people don’t realize is that is truly happy couples don’t tend to show off their relationships on social media. There’s actually research on this that indicates that many people who do are actually insecure about their relationship and they might be trying to cover up the fact they have problems in their relationship.
So again, keep all this in mind, that you’re not seeing everything that’s really going on in these people lives. You’re only seeing what they want others to see. So don’t think for a second that their relationships are perfect, and you’re somehow lacking.
Now a lot of people might suggest simply avoiding social media altogether if you know it’s gonna be a trigger for you. That’s really up to you. I’m not gonna tell you to do that. Personally, I think our triggers are there to make us aware of areas within ourselves that need attending to. And we can’t resolve those issues without facing them. So, if you do find yourself being triggered, that’s an opportunity to look deeply within yourself and learn something.
On the other hand, any reason not to be on social media is probably good enough in some regard. I think it’s always better to find something more constructive to occupy your time with.
2.) Nurture yourself
If you must celebrate Valentine’s Day, why not be your own valentine? I know that might sound cheesy. But, why not do something special for yourself? The most important relationship in your life is the one you have with yourself, and that’s true whether you’re single or in a relationship with someone else. So do something to nurture that relationship, something to remind yourself how special you are. Make Valentine’s Day about reminding yourself that you don’t need anyone to complete you because you’re already whole.
You know, a lot of people like Valentine’s Day because they get validation from someone else, and the only reason you need validation from someone is when you don’t fully realize your own value. They should really call it Validation Day. And the problem with that is that it’s never enough. Because when you don’t recognize your own value, it doesn’t matter how much someone else does. You won’t accept it. So you have to recognize your own worth and appreciate the valuable qualities you embody.
So if that’s something you’re having difficulty with, then dedicate this day to discovering how special you really are and honoring that.
- Have a Friend-date
Now, if you’re really having difficulty with the idea of spending this day alone, chances are you have at least one other friend who’s also alone on Valentine’s Day. So why not spend time with someone you love? It doesn’t have to be a romantic love, but simply someone who’s company you appreciate and enjoy.
You can simply hang out casually, like you normally would. Or, you could even make it a friend-date, and do something special together.
You know, I mentioned before that Valentine’s day is a commercial holiday, and a lot of businesses offer discounts to couples. So you you and your friend could pretend to be a couple just to take advantage of those deals. And no one has to know. But you could go to a spa and get a massage. Or go to some venue that’s offering that discount, like a music venue or a museum or an arboretum. And even some restaurants might be offering such discounts. So have a some fun. Live a little.
- Don’t Wallow in Self Pity
Now, it’s fine if you decide not to do anything at all on Valentine’s Day. You can just unplug and unwind, and just use that time to relax. But just make sure you don’t wind up wallowing in self-pity. If you end up just loafing on the couch watching movies, for example, chose something funny, but at the same time, maybe not a romantic comedy that’s going to reinforce unrealistic fantasies about love.
But seriously, watch something funny like stand-up comedy. Laughter is very powerful medicine. And comedy reminds us not to take life so seriously.
So, with all that being said, remember that you don’t have to take Valentine’s Day seriously either. It really is just another day. But you can choose to make it a good day. And you can do that everyday. And it won’t matter what day it is, because you will have chosen to make each day a special occasion.